I'm fourteen, so i don't have actually a job and also moving the end isn't an option. My mommy likes to yell in ~ me for anything resulting in any sort of mess and often swears, too. And also then, since I'm a mess, I begin crying and it's difficult for me to stop. Yet as long as I'm enabled to have actually time to myself and no one brings it increase again, I'll be fine.

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Which is why it always takes me a good few hours to calm down.

My mommy likes to come into my room and also explain exactly how it's really all mine fault, no hers, the I'm so upset and also that I require to obtain over and also that I must 'say a tiny prayer'. No. Posesthe off. Leave me alone and shut up. I'm exaggerating slightly, she's not that bad, however I hate living with her so much. She gets it when my dad provides me cry(which happens around one-tenth as frequently as she making me cry), informing him to prevent talking about it, however when she's the one yelling, she doesn't gain it.

I understand they're just words. I understand you to be mad. I recognize you don't dislike the man-made good-girl persona I'll be compelled to preserve until i can ultimately move the end that you mistake because that being me. However I'm tho crying. I don't want to cry, yet I am. So just go away and don't talk to me around it. Or just don't talk to me, period. Please execute that last one.

I think I recognize what part of the is: I'm afraid of being treated like... "Paul", let's call him. Paul is my brother, and Paul to be a rebellious tiny shitstain who moved out at the period of 17 end a haircut. When I was younger, I could never understand why Paul was so uncooperative and also thus didn't feel bad for the when, say, mommy would fight him for talking ago or Dad beat that for having "marijuana" in his backpack(which to be actually simply dried leaves from a tree picked top top a household trip). Yet now? I'm the one having rebellious thoughts. I'm smarter than Paul, but I'm still fear of getting on mine mom's poor side permanently and becoming favor Paul in she eyes.

Absolutely nothing she says about him is positive. Also when he to be living v us, the was mainly put-downs and also insults. Paul wasn't a great guy and we're two an extremely different people, however I don't know what'll do me cross the line right into Paul territory in mine mom's mind. Ns guess that's why I'm scared of screwing up, and also whenever I gain yelled at, the tears happen.

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Basically, ns cry too much since my mommy is unpredictable and also I don't desire her making the following three year of mine life a living hell.